There is a feeling loneliness, the feeling of being forever alone; looking at your friends’ FB walls, stalking your EX’s FB profile, aimlessly reading blogs and messaging people in the faint hope of their reply, even though you know they don’t probably even remember your existence ever since college ended.
Anger comes next, mostly directed to a small child in the family or your mom, the most viable path to be taken to overcome the burning sense of helplessness in the heart and mind.
Then there’s a feeling called remorse, guilt of not being suitably friendly of not being considerate of other people and their feelings, of just focusing on the regime of making your day worth.
That feeling of underachievement, of looking at old school and college marksheets and wondering what the hell went wrong, of comparing your career with that average back benchers’ who now somehow pulls a whopping 5 figure salary while you are stuck at hand to mouth sustenance.
The feeling of depression, immense sadness, on not being good in personal and professional life, of screwing up things so bad for yourself that there is nothing and noone you can turn to now; that feeling which comes when you realize world moved in forward without you. The time when sleep for even 18 hours a day seems less and the blanket, laptop and that sutpid old playlist seems like the best friends.
The feeling on Not giving a f*** to cheaters, to people who broke your heart, to people who purposefully jeopardized your heart and mine, to people so shameless forgetting to acknowledge your existence when you were the only one that stood by them when everyone else bailed.
That feeling of reading an old library book, making peace with the past and finding yourself again, of finding your happiness again, of being there for yourself again, of being your best friend again. That feeling when a long drive alone, or a quiet night alone with a pizza, coke and F.R.I.E.N.D.S. no longer seems sad, that time when all of it starts to make sense.
“I tried so hard, but that was past and in the end, It doesn’t even matter.” #linkinpark #InTheEnd