Another year, A million memories, A trillion lessons learnt

As i sit to write after a long, long time my room is dimly lit, with some memories in my eyes and some dreams in this life, i start to fathom all the above.

2015 has been another long, long year not only because it had the Maximum weekends as some newsreport claimed, but because today i cant even remember how it looked like in the beginning.

As i close my eyes to recall the year, the most dominating memories are of happiness of finally being able to make it to a bschool, of being able to travel relentlessly,  of having made great friends, of having done all that i always wished for.. 2015 was a great year, it gave me love, laughter, friends, life, education, an internship and every materialistic thing i could’ve asked for..

At the same time, it took away from me a friend, a person who carried a piece of my existence, a friend in times of need and a best friend otherwise. Yes, i do regret the loss.. But can i blame it on anyone, or myself for having become too vulnerable to things or should i just shrug it off saying that change is imminent and change is like Life’s middle name.

All set and done, i am happy with whatever i have at this precise moment and with this, i would like to wish each and everyone a very very Happy New Year..

I fail to Understand..

I sit here, trying to write.

Yet its only U who occupies my mind.

Aortic Pump searching for U.

Even though I just kept the phone down on U.

Why is it, I fail to understand.

What is it, i fail to understand.

Reading old letters and revisiting the pics.

There’s a small tear escaping the slick.

Eyelids hiding the overwhelming eyes.

Why is it, I fail to Understand.

What is it, I fail to Understand.

Haven’t you been gone for long now.

Haven’t u given me a life anew.

Weren’t u the one to warrant the change.

Weren’t u the one to rein the change.

Yet why do I grieve, I fail to Understand.

Yet why do I believe, I fail to Understand.

2014..

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As 2014 nears an end, I thought this was a great time to say Thanks to this year. 2014 has been probably the most eventful year of my life, for so many reasons, that I can’t even count.

The major reason for this is a person, one person who has been my best friend, who has listened to all the stupid things I have, a person who has given me all the time I wanted; without ever complaining even for one second. How I am related to that person is insignificant, the only thing that matters is that that person has been there on the darkest nights and throughout the darkest year of my life. For this, and for all the innumerable “jokes” , I am grateful. Because of them , this year has been great!

2014 marked my moving back home after spending almost 5 years in the hostel. Mom’s love; my cute little , irritating yet adorable siblings , Grandma’s Love and so much more; Thank You 2014 for this.

The year was a year of travel for me, I journeyed from Trivandrum to Delhi to Tripura to Mizoram to Assam and finally back home. I love to travel, Thank you 2014, for fulfilling this wish of infinite travel.

I had the best birthday this year with a group of friends after such a long time , and the huge element of surprise left me (well) teary eyed, YES.

This year I finally got the strength to quit the mainstream line and go after something I actually want in life. I quit my job to take exams, because, I want to study before I am ready to put my life in the 9 to 5 shoes. Thanks 2014 for bestowing me with this strength.

And last but most important, Thanks a lot 2014 for teaching me how to stand my ground despite number of failures. This year taught me how to move on when all your dreams get shattered and you are left with nothing but frustration and loneliness.  Thank you 2014 for teaching me how to deal with failures and how to get up and face yourself the next morning.

All in all, 2014 has been the most eventful yet sinfully boring year of my life. Confused???

Well, stay tuned for more folks..

Signing Off

P.S. What was your 2014 like? Write to someoneincrowd@gmail.com and make your memoirs a part of the Crowd!

 

Then & Now!

There was a day when as teenagers we used to grieve over the smallest things in life; a broken toy, a wish left unfulfilled etc. But as we grow up, we realize those things are way less important than all the other stuff in life. The picture and the subsequent video are the two sides of the same person, the 18 year old version that cries and writes poems about things that go wrong and the 22 year old who forgets and lets go and begins to move forward concentrating on what future has in store.

THEN:

memories

 

NOW:

An old, really old picture..

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While deleting some random stuff in my laptop today, I came across this, this is a picture from school, citation ceremony , just before board exams began.. It was our last day in school, the last time we saw each other . Everytime, I look at this picture it still feels that familiar, its like we never left, its like things will always be the same.. It was the last time we had a chance to wear that stupid uniform, we cursed each day and the incredible thing was that day we were all impeccably dressed, socks properly pulled up; shiny polished shoes; hair tied in neat ponytails; shirts properly tucked in etc.. etc.. It still remains one of the most special days for me, Everytime I look at this picture in a weird way it feels comforting.. 😀 😀

#nostalgic

The Vanished Visitor

Once upon a time in Delhi, each morning was a bliss, before the stress of the world gripped people , they woke up to the sweet chirps , at times musical and surprisingly synchronized, of a sparrow.. They rendered each morning beautiful so much so that each and every person woke up with a smile and went of to the work with one.. That was the time with much less traffic on the road, that was the time when we were free from the rule of the modern gadgets.. that was the time humans were actually made of flesh and not just machines smelting away with time.. That was the time when houses were big and single storeyed..  People were much happy back then. And then one day, came the big buildings which were so long the sky seemed lost, then came the mobile phones which kept us ‘connected’ with the entire world always.. In all this mess and hue and cry of moving ahead, we forgot about the one thing that made our mornings beautiful, the birds, the simplicity and the family.. In this mad rush to move ahead and win the race, we forgot about our ownselves, we forgot about our families.. we forgot everything..

We forgot that the small device which claimed to keep us connected always emitted radiations, radiations which were so pronounced that they practically wiped out the entire population of House sparrow in less than a decade.. We forgot that the tall buildings which provide us refuge claimed the forests which were the only places they could call home, we have what 2 or 3 flats in the city and a handful more in the country but they had just one, the forest which we cut down so heartlessly, without giving sparing even a moment of thought to these innocent beings who had made us rise with a hope each morning with only their sweet voice..

Our innocence and respect for people has vanished at the same speed.. A coincidence or is it related somehow? :/

For me, they were not only early morning visitors they used to be my alarm clock, they used to be my friends.. they used to be the one’s i talked to for hours each day, they are my entire childhood, they were not birds… they were the ones who taught me to have hope.. To return to the same spot without any prior knowledge of what it’d turn out to be that day,.. they taught me to trust.. They were the reasons I got up early … And Personally speaking, for the past so many years, each morning , I go out with the hope that one day, the ones that taught me hope would return, that one day I shall again be able to relive that innocence once again, that one day somehow, the wheels of time would just go back, that one day my vanished visitors would  just come back..

The Shiny White Metal ..

ImageAs I unlocked that shiny white metal door, all the past 10 years just started playing in my mind, the memories of all the times we went in that for dinners, to parties, to marriages, to PTA meetings, for shopping, for driving lessons cramped in the small space a family, my family.. That familiar smell of car freshner and cigarettes came rushing, that is my father…that jovan musk in the back is my mom, that little piece of weird earring is my sister, those dirt marks on the mat is my brother and that tiny white hair is my dadu.. Living only few hours away from the home i grew up in and with this insane schedule, this is the only way I can enjoy that familiarity, that warmth of home.. That shiny white piece of metal is more than just a car to me, it is a medium for me to experience my family on the rocks..

Sometimes, when I feel lonely, I just like to sit in that shiny white metal for some time.. just sit and not do anything, just sit inside and close my eyes to all the memories, just cover myself with those familiar smell.. It may sound crazy but sometimes, that’s the best you can do..

Seeking A Day..

I borrowed a friend’s laptop to just register for the college alumni website which apparently is a pre-requisite to getting the No-dues thingie done.. Registration done, confirmation received, yet my head and heart just doesn’t want to hit that print button, for all it knows once that button goes down, its all over and nothings ever gonna be the same again..

Prayer

We spent almost every moment in these 4 years literally just wishing that all this comes to an end soon, praying to god that the course ends and so does the hostel food trauma.. wishing silently for mom’s gourmet food, for the comfort of home.. for the love of home, but now when the end is just right there at point blank range staring at us, we seek a day.. Just another day, so that we could live here again, to have those midnight parties, those fights, those talks, bunking lectures, staying awake the whole night and then sleeping in class the next day, the excuse cooking up session for reaching class late, the 55 minutes of near death experience, the canteen sessions, the sports meet, the exams, the friends, the projects, the parties.. I could go on forever..

The end is even closer than we anticipated it to be, probably the sole reason why each one of us has been putting off packing, we hate that.. this is our place, that’s My room, that’s My cupboard, for 4 years i have slept on that bed, that’s the place which made me realize that i have truly grown up, that’s the place i had my first interview at which just made me shed all the shackles of childhood and enter adulthood.. that stupid hat sorta thing.. it was a gift on my 21st birthday.. it adorned the walls of the room for such a long time now.. its a part of this place… i am a part of this place… This place is a part of me… How on earth are we ever supposed to let go a part of our ownselves.. how and why do we even have to do that, change is good, but then why does this change makes me have a heart shattering pain so much so that i feel practically choked.. why, i fail to understand this..

If something were to come true this moment, i would want just a day with all my room and all my friends just the way it always has been..

The Journey of a Lifetime.

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I first set my eyes upon this building back in May, 2009 for the first time and for some weird reason felt an instant attraction towards it, something which I decline from having happened till date. I first set foot in this place as a scared teenager, with barely any knowledge about the ‘real’ world and its norms, without any knowledge about how to survive in a place that is far from being even my last choice in life, but as time stands as proof, I survived.

Its been 4 long years but it still feels as if it all happened in just the blink of an eye, it seems weird now to be Graduating if it means to leave , to go away from this place , to never really have any ‘fun’ reason to just ‘aivin’ visit this campus, it feels weird. Even this thought is so disturbing that ever since a friend mentioned this in the morning and after spending a whole day roaming in the city , I still haven’t been able to get rid of it. 

I bunked my first lecture here, met my best friend here, met the person i just love to spend a lot of time with here, got a job from here and more so, this place has been instrumental in fulfilling my childhood dream of being an Engineer ( P.S. last semester exams to go and then i’ll be one officially but still, so far so good), this is place which taught me numerous things about life, about people, about relations, this is place that gave me an insight into so many things that today i can stand up to the world and compete in the rat race in the true sense. This is the place that has replaced the old scared n timid me and has helped me become a confident person. That is the canteen where my friends and me before going to our 1st ever interview gulped down every single thing that was available on the menu, that’s the hostel mess where we learnt fighting for our rights or else people would just walk you over.. That’s the hostel where i spent 3.5 years in practicality, when initially spending even a day there looked almost impossible, those are the stairs where we sat , sometimes to study, sometimes to just be there, to just enjoy the time , to just chitter-chatter the time away, that’s the sports room where i rediscovered my passion for table tennis.. This is the pace that taught me the art of ‘Jugaad’…

I know each nook and corner of this place like the back of my hand.. And now, when its time to leave it feels bad.. and that’s surprising coz we have always blamed the authorities for not having so many things, for not providing enough facilities , for being too strict, for being too stringent in their policies, for misusing their power so much so that Quo Warranto could be imposed on them, But whatever, I am rather i’m pretty sure we all are going to miss this place like hell, for this is the place that has given us enough confidence about even hating it, this is the place that has given us this position that now, we can hate it.. This place has facilitated even our hatred for it.. 

There are sometimes in life when we feel that nothing good is happening or the possibility of anything even remotely good happening to us is impossible, that’s the time when a boon disguised as bane enters your life, this place turned out to something like this only, Sure there are so many things that we couldn’t achieve being here but whats more important is that I, we enjoyed this journey, this Journey of a Lifetime called College Days..

P.S. I know its a bit soon, there are still 2 months left, but 60 days are just insufficient to admire this place completely, to just gather enough memories that shall sublimely help in walking and achieving yet another destination on this journey called Life.

I’m Gonna Miss My College Days..!!

Hoping that time just stops this very moment.. That this time never Ceases to BE..!!

Signing Off..